So, I heard she lives in...
Judging you... @ Wednesday, January 23, 2013
Okay, so another one to the emotional blog strike here but I really need to get this off of my mind.
It's about people judging people, and I admit I did that to sometimes but I just can't see why I should constantly do that. I mean pff guys I'm not perfect.
There was one time when I told my ex-friend (lol yep ex-friend) a story about a guy friend of mine POSSIBLY sleeping together with his girlfriend (which is also my friend) for obvious reasons and then the story spread like wildfires and then she is starting to say things about this friend of mine for being a bad guy. Okay, the point is that this guy friend didn't do anything bad to her, she doesn't even know him well... I used to judge them too but I see this friend is really, really saying bad things about her to the point that I couldn't take it anymore and told her, "Stop it man, pity them you don't even know them well..."
I also told this same ex-friend (she is the queen of judge for now I see, I regret for trusting her pssh) about me starting to drink quite occasionally, this happened just recently too. And then guess what she said? "You're starting to become an alcoholic," she said as she raised an eyebrow with me. The moment when I heard her voice trailed down at "alcoholic" I just laughed it off. "Can't help it, alcohols taste good."
Hence the reason why I never told her about my relationship especially nowadays. Hell I don't trust her on anything anymore (ba ha ha evil laugh) I can keep them to myself :\
Ok, let's go back to the topic. It just came to me when I realised what my friend once said to me before telling me her secret, which I will keep a secret so I won't tell you. What she said was: "I'll tell you, but don't judge me okay?"
I was like shocked? Stunned? I don't know, so I said to her in reflex, "What? No! I would never judge you, you're my best friend, man!" After she told me, I see that it's something that most people would judge about and so I kind of shook my head in my heart... if that works. I just listened to her story and went along with it, never until now I have judged her in my head.
Reason? She hasn't done anything bad to me! She's been a very good friend and I don't see why I should judge her, at all?
This is what's bad about people around me and I kind of do the same thing too, they would "judge" about people that didn't even do bad things to them; about people who are actually nice but they just have these habits or something.
I like to drink. "Wow you're bad."
I like to smoke. "Pssh this person has got to have bad attitude or something."
I like to go clubbing. "The worst."
I had sex with my boyfriend. "She's a whore."
I ... "You ..."
STOP. JESUS CHRIST.
You can slip out one or two judgement but please don't judge person on everything that they do that doesn't appeal to you! Just because someone puts their money for charity doesn't always mean they're a really good person though, trust me...
Unless someone does something to you, try not to judge them.
THANK FOR ATTENTION WELCOME wait what
Angee R Cadaverini
Eeheehee. @ Thursday, January 10, 2013
Say welcome to me, the other side of Angee, the true reason for bearing the last name of Cadaverini.
I have always been full of love, oh, yes, yes I am indeed... I have always loved Rodan, he's my prized possession, the only one I would never let go whatever the situation is, the person who can hurt me because I'm his whatever happened... the only man on earth I would give in to, of course.
But, have I told you that I have to thank this man for making me realise all the big mistakes I've done? Eeheehee. If it wasn't his doing I wouldn't realise two filthy females that kept clinging onto me... they clung to me like they were bacteria and they kept growing bloody cancer inside of me without me knowing...
One day, I was the one who did the diagnosing, once again, all regards to my and only my Rodan that one of these two scums, which the two are apparently friends with each other more than I am towards the one or the other... if that makes sense, basically they are fucking my head with each other's help.
Oh what a fool I was to never realise until then... though, I have been betrayed before that. Silly, silly, Angee... her hatred when she was betrayed the first time was never enough to release me, but because of dear Rodan, it was finally more than enough to fuel up the anger that would send me to the real world.
The betrayal, the fakeness, hee hee... HEEHEEHEE HOW COULD I HAVE FORGOTTEN?
It was on September 6th, 2012 when I discovered the filthy conversation between Rodan and this person with those fucking filthy words Rodan sent to her, she would have probably triggered it. Look at that devil inside of me screaming "what in the bloody hell" as I imagine I rip her face out of her skull and probably burn it into ashes. But that's probably too easy isn't it...?
She had an accomplice, who turned out to be a friend who was dear to me, who I thankfully had known that she was an arsehole to begin with but I still talked to her about this matter. Haha, WHAT A BLOODY FUCKING FOOL. I was being a clown on the day I told her, I was so stupid that I'm feeling so angry right now I want to kill myself. Of course this accomplice would have told the murderer about what I said about her, but what did I care? None, thankfully.
I approached her as well for being the bitch she is. And then just like what she always does, I got it back at her, I put a smile, a sweet face that's sickening to the stomach but loved by all men, gave kind words to her and told her I trusted she would never mean that.
Oh bloody hell, that sweet face is not going to get me you bloody rotten shit. Not after I realised you felt glad that I told you that I was going to distant away from Rodan? No bloody way.
Not long later too, I realise that Rodan had already forgotten her for awhile, through my excellence in stalking him, but she just came back quite recently to then because she left him a text. Rodan didn't even know her number and she bloody texted him? She knew her guts well, oh, she knew well that she was going into the lioness den by doing that did she not? Since then they started talking again.
It's too bad that I couldn't approach this person on that day or else she would have felt my pain and anger she made me felt for days and weeks, and the coming traumas that go ahead. It hurt me, it hurt my relationship with Rodan so I decided it would be best if we both have no contact with her whatsoever anymore.
I don't take mercy... I deleted everything from everything of Rodan that has her name or her face on it, I simply erased her "memory" from him, little by little. Rodan is mine, and anyone who interferes our sweet relationship should just gO FUCKING DIE. I WOULD LOVE TO SEE THEM BATHE IN THEIR OWN BLOOD.
I was serious! ;)
I was serious for bearing all those lies and fakeness and all things HUMAN for about half a year. I'm not stupid anymore.
Clearly me being possessive lately with Rodan was not something normal I would do, but it was the trauma that YOU fucking caused that triggered the fear that caused me to do everything Rodan hated. Rodan hated me because you fucking did this to me. YOU AND YOUR FUCKING ACCOMPLICE, you were both the same.
Oh yes, yes. I remember what your accomplice had done, or perhaps, you are the accomplice after all?
This second person... ever since I was in a relationship with Rodan she had never agreed to it. She always tried to tell me off of Rodan, it was not even three months and she has been telling things like Rodan never liked me (and she said she heard it from the first person...), and how Rodan spoke like the first person (rather than me, oh, what holy hell are you in? RODAN IS MINE AND I AM THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN HAVE THE SAME SPEECH AS HE DOES, right, sweetie?), or how Rodan is this and that that we should be better off... breaking up, or fighting for nights.
The hell would have loosen if we did. And I wasn't stupid. HAHA, HAHAHA YOU ARE A FUCKING IDIOT YOU THINK BY DOING THAT I GET FOOLED? FUCKING FOOLS.
Up until now I've cut all possible ways Rodan can contact that person and I was glad Rodan did it too in his own volition. /smiles sweetly
I wasn't kidding when I said something about erasing... I was never joking, ever.
If murder was an acceptable social interaction of showing how much I hate you, just like sex and love, maybe I would have murdered you two...
Now you two can have peaceful life together without me. I know you are silently watching me, and I am watching you too... Have you been thinking that I was a sweet girl? Eeheehee HEEHEEHEE HEEHEEHEE.
Never trust a person especially when they had obviously done something wrong to you. Of course they despise you one way or another and just because they apologise, doesn't mean they won't do it again... These two people have sweet, kind faces that everyone loves. Oh yes, they have lots, and lots of friends indeed...
Beware of these "sweet" people because no matter how pretty one thing (person) can be, there will always be a rotten side of them. Always.
Including me, as you all know now, eeheeHEE!
I am the rotten side of Angee and if you trigger me again, I would never hesitate to appear and perhaps...
Harm you, a little bit? Or maybe... just some more? ♥
Human relations, memories, desire and betrayal... Those are just four staple motives, aren't they? They're all a cliche... It's really very boring, isn't it!Those are not the only four motives one can find in this world, of course. This world we live in is full to the brim with countless motives that make men kill one another. They entice people to murder their peers, and bring Despair upon the world. I call them "The seeds of Despair" - Enoshima J. (Dangan Ronpa)
I would... agree. But murdering and dying is way, way too easy...
letting them live in fear, heh, that's what I call awesome... I have all these motives to drive me.
1) It began from our past friendship
and branched to my relationship with Rodan
, which they tried to destroy.
2) From that incident on, they gave me traumas, bad memories of the past, fear
3) I've always wished to live happily and peacefully with Rodan, never
wished of any of their intervention.
4) And lastly, betrayal? Of course it was there... it was there all along
, they betrayed me, they made Rodan started to betray me too... but of course it didn't work, I was too quick to figure, didn't I?
I am very straightforward of what happened in this post, and I still haven't put names because...
Well, behind every rotten one there would be something pretty behind it too, right?
... or isn't there? :)
Angee Ross CADAVERINI
Labels: alter ego, anger, betrayal, fake, hm... what other negative thing fits you?, lies, maybe it's me, me, split personality
How's life? @ Sunday, December 16, 2012
Hm, may I say that life has had its ups and downs pretty quickly lately? It is like trying to choke happiness and then sadness and then happiness again into my life and it keeps going on and on with only one second interval between each choking. In short, life has been PMSing
and I am not so sure what to think of life now.
Bali, are you ready?
It started off with the good thing (right after the bad
things from the exams pssh). Yes, Rodan and I did go to Bali (put your hands in the aiiiir, yooo!
) and I did enjoy my holiday over there! We went for various watersports (bloody love the jetski), to the waterpark (called Waterbom
), ate lots and lots of deep-fried squid, dined next to the beautiful sea at night, saw the wildlife for just a second because we were late, mixed lots of shits with vodka and had to drink them, and well yeah, lots.
Found you, mate! Finally reunited hey?
Om nom nom! How can you resist? DAT SQUID!
Awesome tattoos, lasted for 2 weeks /sob
And we have to say goodbye :'(
I'm home, Jakarta; but I'm homesick for Perth
Well, who would have thought that coming home is a bad thing? No one, of course, until you stay there for a week or more. Bad things keep happening to me, I can't keep up with the traffic, I can't keep up with the thoughts of the people here, I can't keep up with my responsibilities, I can't keep up with having to depend on others just for trivial stuffs such as going out as well :(
This is where I am right now, still stuck in the same old situation.
Whatever I do, the outcome never goes right. People seem to disagree with me in many ways with how I live, at some point I just feel like going back to Perth right away. I kept complaining to my friends how I got really bored here and I just want to go back to Bali or Perth--either ways, the point is to go back.
I got blamed for the things that I have done, not even sure if I was completely wrong, or did any bit of being right existed then--the others didn't care, they just placed the blame on me.
And finally I snapped, thrice. Once, I was at home by myself, no one was watching me so I took an action... I did not know what had gotten me, but I took a nail clipper knowing that it could have at least scratched me. I thought then, if only I had hurt myself maybe the others would be happy. But doing this, they still think that I did not think of them... I proceeded on making marks, lots of them. But nobody noticed, and that's good.
The second time, I was pissed off at myself again, why did I say this? Why did I do that? I eventually inflicted pain to myself, I bit my hand really hard it bleed--the marks are still there until now and it has been a week :\ but then I didn't think of changing, I thought maybe the people should change instead...
The last time, Ro was here, I just didn't want him to leave for another 10 minutes--and there goes my childish side again, so I banged my head onto the nearest wall. It hurt, and I swear at the moment the pain stroke me, I thought the feeling would just fit what I've done. This one is from Tuesday, and the pain still lingers--still there when I touch the part where I hurt myself.
Two days after the last incident, I finally thought of changing. Ro kept scolding me about how I cannot go on like that. I keep thinking that no matter how broken I am, I am still beautiful (thank you Epik High) so this time I didn't resort to killing myself. I smiled, and I said to him, "Yeah, perhaps we should change." Talked a long shit about how I missed how we were then, I swore to God we were so sweet but then I told him, "Hey you know what, no matter how much fights we had put up with until now, we are still the cutest couple ever, hey?" I'm sorry for being Angee Ross Cadaverini, the person who is known for her overconfidence on things :') but I'm glad. I'm glad I am this way, I'm glad I have come this way. Since then, I haven't complained about being in Jakarta at all--in fact, I'm enjoying my last few days/weeks here, since I'll be leaving very soon enough and then I can just enjoy my life back in Perth.
And then... the results are out.
Yep, for both sides too: education and my self-improvement.
Right before the day the results are out, I changed my hair colour--the usual mark I show whenever I commence a change on myself--into bright red. :) Made promises with Rodan on that day about how we should be when we were in Perth and swore to myself I could do better than just nagging and crying. I was still scared about my results too--hence all that promises.
It was just recently when I did, not sure if Ro had noticed it but I noticed how I have been muuuch, much more patient with less complaining and crying, and more smile. Maybe the detox didn't just work on my physical health, but my mental too (fact: for so many times I thought that I had a mental disease, I'm sorry, self.) I don't know how I did that, but maybe it's the NDS effect, I have become much more ignorant to the things that surround me--just keeping in schedule with the promises I have had and never planning to change them unless the other person really had to, of course, considering all alternatives.
Yesterday, I had to go out and meet my old friend, Dennis. Promised him since a few days before that so I can't really say I can not go--even if honestly, excruciating pains hit me in the intestine or any other part of my digestive system. I kept thinking stop making incisions on my tummy, but the pain wouldn't stop--but neither would I. Apart from the overconfidence, I'm pretty popular (to myself) on how I'm persistent with the choices I have made. So with all the pain, I went out to see Dennis and eventually Rodan, on that day as well I accompanied him and even watched him play indoor football like what I am always fond of doing then back in Perth, supporting him from the side just with my eyes--without having to be all the cheerleader type because, heh, ain't nobody got time for that.
And, at the end of the day, Jo told me to check my results because apparently they're out much earlier than they should be? I was so bloody scared and impatient at the same time. The moment I typed in UWA's StudentConnect link and my ID and password, my heart was racing crazily, and even worse when I clicked the "Unit Results" on the side.
The Intro to Law unit I thought I had flunked? Just passed it. THANK GOD FOR THAT, furthermore, the two hardest unit I had and I wasn't confident with in the exam especially with the high weighting of the course, I had the best results. I really hoped it was not just a dream then because it was already quite late! I quickly told my mum, and I called Ro but he didn't pick up, so eventually told him to call me once he's not busy. And he did, told him about what happened.
Was so bloody happy even until now. I'm so glad my hard work paid off, also my detox perhaps? Ha, at least whatever that is that I did, paid off. I kept saying in my heart, "Thank god, thank god. Thank you, myself, for being the best." At that moment, if I had a soju/vodka next to me I would have just chugged a whole bottle down due to happiness. It went better than expected, so I guess this is the beginning of another change... to have more than "just passed" in the summer course and the last two semesters, perhaps?
Anyhow, it finished with a happy ending--at least for now.
So, what now?
Just trying to enjoy the rest of my... hm, half a month of holiday in Jakarta, I guess? Once I'm back in Perth I have to go to summer course, so it's not really a holiday anymore! Furthermore, I might start working again so it's a pain in the arse. But since I will quit my job sooner or later in the year, might as well do my best during then.
Aherm, I don't know how else should I convey this feeling to Ro, but I need to, so please excuse me. And yes, this is the end of the blog for the rest of you.
Hey, Roro sayang, I guess I'm not always the best girlfriend in the world, you know, compared to other girlfriends that existed. Might not be the kindest either since I throw daggers from my mouth through my words. Not exactly the most religious either because I don't pray that often. Most supportive... not really, sometimes I kick you out of your choices--though I did that because I think the other stuff is better for you but yeah, this is just me being stubborn. Well, I guess I am the most stubborn that you can find... Not the most beautiful either, of course, being the lady with the lumps of fats inside her especially in the thighs.
At least, I want to try to be the best of the best for you :) I'm sorry for all the faults that I have done, or any that I have involved you in. I know most of them are mine though I don't know which ones I have done apart the ones I have in mind as I write this! I know we came to be in a relationship on that morning you confessed to me for many reasons, and there are even many more reasons for us to come to almost a year and four months (and of course I believe, more are coming) even with the fights and all.
We were all born with flaws and born to make mistakes sometimes, and imperfect because sometimes we cannot forgive these mistakes we make. But let's try our hard to go through everything together!
I know perfectly you have other stuffs, even though we won't be seeing each other for a month or two, you still want to enjoy your holiday with the others (unlike me who doesn't have "the others" because I choose not to...) ;w; so please, please enjoy it! I realise now that your happiness is mine too, your pain is mine too (your money is mine too, oh sorry, not a good time for a joke?) I'm not sure if you already can feel mine as well, but as long as we get through it together you will learn how to ;)
We can even be apart with the distance of the four hours plane for months (including the time you stayed in Jakarta and I had to be back to Perth again.) So, what? We are much better than the other couple, hell, we are the cutest couple! We have made our commitments, and let's go through them together! I can forgive you for all the wrongs that you have done to me. Karma comes back around, I know, so all we both can do is just forgive each other. Let's not think bad of each other, let the past go, and let's embrace the present to walk into the future together. You know what I think, Ro? If we can do it together, we can do anything, I swear to god in heavens we are incredible! :)
And I love you the most.
Angee Ross Cadaverini
Shh... @ Friday, October 19, 2012
Hey guys, so if you expect me to be in a giddy giddy mood like I was in the previous post or all fired up in a negative way like in the previous post as well, don't. I'm not.
I'm feeling pretty shit right now because of some stuffs that welled up inside of me. I mean, I can't even do this anymore man what even.
I have so many things to study and it was always like this, at the end of the semester there is always something that tried to bring me down and my relationship and my mood and just everything man. I'm pretty sure all of them come from myself but that would make me pretty pissed off with myself. I was supposed to do my studies as I hoped and then chill at the end of the day but I can't. People keep insisting shit and when I tried to insist they don't even listen.
I don't even know why they won't even listen it's not like I ask them to do drugs or anything. Basically I just want a pair of ears to hear me out and listen carefully, no need to take it to the heart and I don't need the pair of lips to start speaking words that I probably don't want to hear.
For a week or even more now I probably need a time for myself, I'm very tired out. My tailbone bruise/pain (?) has not gone away and it has been two weeks since I hurt it when I was watching the soccer competitions. In addition to that, I bruised myself once more just yesterday because I was being a kid, running around kicking things, all with that emotion, and then I fell and basically I broke every single part of my body physically. I remember how when I fall in front of the car, I saw the light and I couldn't stop crying. I was basically calling for my dad. I hurt my head, my back, my right arm and both of my hands, not to mention this black-blue bruise on my leg that I don't even know how I got it from falling down backward yesterday.
I just felt it was really painful and the pain become doubled. Now that I remember I'm not the only one who suffers pain, just a few days ago I was looking at these videos of girls telling stories about their awful lives before they suicide on Youtube. I do feel sorry for them especially since they finally succeeded in killing themselves for fuck's sake. If the me today is the me from like 5-6 years ago I would probably flip shit and kill myself as well--minus the video of course.
But I don't. I have a reason to live and it is more than what is killing me inside right now. To be very honest with you, I don't know if I have any psychological or mental situations but I do have a wrecked out childhood consists of all kinds of loneliness right there so I probably am traumatised more than anyone has ever known me, not even Kim or Roro whom I shared all my thoughts and stories with. Probably, not even my mum.
I should probably be studying right now but my mind is messed up, blame hitting the back of my head about twice this week. Also, my right arm is killing me slowly as well I don't even know if I can type anymore in the close future.
I know when people stop caring about me for one reason or another, or many reasons, and I just know that they say all these sweet stuffs just to not make me worry about them not caring. I know they are busy, I know. I just can't meddle with their lives any further from that point. I felt I was humiliated inside, I have a lot of pride like my dad I know, and it will probably be the first thing that kill me.
My brain works like a kid's. I have to get whatever I want, but life doesn't work that way. If I have to talk like an economist, there is always an opportunity cost to every choice you make. So in the end, just to not irritate anyone special in my life anymore aka Rodan in this case, I will stop
It is really hard because basically I care for him so much, and I want him to succeed and all. But it is really silly because I stop caring because I care for him in the first place, but that's the truth. I can't bother him much so I'll just write this for him to read during his free time :') I love Rodan and I really
dislike to walk away from him when I have to, I know this is bad for me, but to be very honest when I start getting attached, I get very
attached. I remember getting very pissed off when I know he was "taken" away from me one way or another, and I guess I was pretty traumatised by that. But all in all I am a very clingy, attached person to any person. Not just in Rodan's case I guess, but this has happened before with a long-distance friend of mine in USA that I have... lost again now orz but no worries.
Since I really hate it AND I will always express my feelings the moment I feel it, I guess I ruined it with Rodan. I have no reason why I was so angered if he wants to go to be honest, but I just did. He kept asking why but that irritated me because I don't know why, pfft, what kind of person does not know themselves? It might be that I'm just attached, or maybe I'm just slightly off in my head you know, I can be mental. I hit my head twice.
But then every single time this kind of things happen, the very next day I will change my principle 180 degrees. I stop caring, I'll stop getting angered, and I start being very cool about him doing whatever he wants. I don't even wish for him to miss me pfft, fuck that shit. Then I start to study very diligently God knows why. I even plan to start going to Uni every evening to study ;( I guess, after every hurtful stuffs I will always try to change myself either for the better or the worse.
I don't expect other people to change for me, that's why I try to change myself. I know it's really hard to change them, basically you can't in most situations, but since I can change myself why not?
I don't know if this is the right choice for me but if I chose it, it's probably the best for myself, hey?
So, basically, Rodan, I will try to be very cool, calm and composed about everything you tell me or everything you want to do. I will let you have your time and space if that ever exists in a relationship (I mean dude what I need space get a fucking space shuttle don't ask me). I will study for myself as well. Words are sometimes double-edged swords. If you say something to me, I'll get it back to you. I'm a kind of person who is stubborn but because of my stubbornness, I will listen to you in this case.
Study well, and I love you. I know you can do well. You only have three exams in two weeks and I have five and I still need to catch up I can't even. I may not reply your Whatsapp but, that's probably the best for you, either that or I'm probably fainting somewhere in Perth and then I will start to rot.
Simple Plan said, "You're gonna miss me when I'm gone." But will you really?
I love you.
Angee Ross Cadaverini
Love? Again? @ Friday, October 12, 2012
Good afternoon, lads and lasses! :D I am currently hyped up to blog somehow because my creativity is up, up! Thanks to Roro who keeps failing to give cheesy lines because in the end I did better than he did. ;p
He's the guy, he should be better. But not too much or I'll get sick!
Based on the mood today with the sunny side up in Perth here and it's really scorching hot outside, I know you would think that I'll be talking about happiness and how to attain it and shit. But to be honest, I attain happiness daily so I can't... talk about it. I'm going to talk about love
Remember a year ago I wrote about love as well? I just want to know how much my perspective of love has changed over the one year with Rodan :o it might be more mature? It might be more forgiving and accepting? It might be cuter? Or even more sparks of innocence? (Ell-oh-ell, no way!)
I have just been lingering around HJStory
, a page that always posts cute drawings about love based on the artist's relationship/marriage with the woman of his life. I just realised how people see love differently, some sees it more in a sad way, others see it in a happy way?
For me? I can't really tell.
Last year it has only been a few months with Rodan so my view of love might be a liiittle childish! Nothing such as "experience" can be inside love. You're not in love to experience it, you're in love to, well, be happy perhaps? Last year we were pretty new, so you can't compare it, Rodan is different from the others and of course he will always be, he is not comparable to be honest so let's not go to that at all! Below are honest opinions from me (so please quote Angee Ross Cadaverini thank) about love.
Love is the happiness and excitement you feel when you see them.
For me, I may live in the same state as my boyfriend does so it won't be hard to see each other. But there were also times when we have to be separated for awhile. Either way, I am always very giddy and happy to see him (unless I called him to nag?) The happiest moment is when we have appointed a date and time to meet, and even if he was late, when you see him from a far you just wanted to start running (but I was trying reeeaaaaaally hard to retain my self-composure) I love how most of the times, the first time I see him for the day, I would smile.
Love is no matter how angry or upset you are with them, it will all be washed away sooner or later.
Isn't it amazing, the power of love? I mean hey, I was angry with Rodan a second ago, he started to make jokes and I swear I was trying hard to be cool but I always failed. The next day, I would bring it up again and pout at him for the whole day long, and then at the end of the day I would take his hand again. I mean dude, stop hypnotising me! I am one of those girls with strong principle so if I was angry I want to be angry for a little longer but this guy
keeps breaking my anger spells! Ugh! Now I'm angry! And then he'll make me smile again. Far out, you!
Love is trust, faith, and honesty at the same time.
The above are the three key things after love that are essential for any everlasting relationship. You need to trust, be able to be trusted, have faith, and also be honest all the time. Lying for the sake of "our relationship" is never
a good excuse. If anything was for the sake of the relationship, it's the honest truth! Reminder that to lie actually means you don't feel bad for others for not knowing, but you'll be safe anyway. So don't lie!
It will break the trust the other person gave you and they will start losing faith. We have probably seen this everywhere but earning trust is the hardest thing to do on earth next to impossible.
Love is keeping up with each other and eventually understanding each other.
We all learn by mistakes. So it's okay when you got lashed out at, and of course it is also okay to be angry at them! That's how we learn about each other. According to my mum, you're in a relationship to get to know each other better to hopefully reach the "next stage" of your love life--though remember it's just a start cause everyone can change! I'm a very emotional person by gene (cheers to my old man) and when I get emotional I get pretty heated up I would lash out at Rodan once he gets me reaaaally angry. Times to times I would be slightly upset by the little things, others I'll be fucking pissed off by the huge things (Rodan please stop doing that...) but hey, in the end we made up no matter how severe it was compared to our other relationship problems. Both of us would make the mistakes, but we are too in love to let go of each other, that we would just "forget about it" and start a new page, starting with understanding where we did go wrong and what to do in the future to best avoid that. It's important to forgive, but do not forget!
If it goes wrong again
it's best to remind, don't keep shut! Don't be afraid of fights
, they are what built "us". You can actually change someone, but it takes themselves to actually make it happen. :)
Love is that moment when you look into each other's eyes.
No description needed here, just turn around and look into their eyes. I feel like whenever I see Roro's chinsky eyes I would be all lost (no seriously) and start thinking all those lovely thoughts. I just want to stare into his brown eyes that I am always envious about. It's amazing. I'll see love and feel love, and probably we'll start smooching in no time.
Love is you, you, you, you, you, and then us.
When I'm eating I would think about him and would he like this food, or sometimes try this food with me, or maybe what is he eating right now? When I'm sleeping, I'll be thinking if he's already asleep, or if he's still awake pulling an all-nighter to study or perhaps porn? (Nah, just joking.) When I go to work, I would think would I see him at work, like would he come up to my workplace to say hi and perhaps wait for me until I'm finished for the day so we can go on a date after? He's in your mind 95% of the time, trust me, but don't let it affect your study or be an excuse for you to flunk your tests.
Love is when everything is a happy day because you're there.
No seriously. Even if I drown in the sea because of the freaky waves out here in WA beaches, even if I fall down and break my tail bone, even if I have to eat Indian curry or spicy foods all day long, even if I fall from the hundredth floor and break my bones and bleed and all that plus I got ran over by the van, I will probably be smiling as long as he's there with me. Thanks Rodan, you made everything better!
(But sometimes you can also make the good things bad, forgive me.)
Love is that heavy feeling in your heart when you have to separate.
I fucking hate being separated but it has to happen anyway unless we're already living under one roof ohoho but that's not anytime soon. Roro and I see each other often but these still happen to us most of the times, well mostly me. Sometimes I even pissed him off because I didn't want to let go (but chill guys, I have matured!) But even so, it's still so fucking heavy to let him go. You just want to turn back. That's why in every movie where they have this separating scene they will probably tell each other "not to look back", trust me, these scenes get me most of the times. ;'(
Love is comfort, the living room, home.
The most important in any relationship is being comfortable with each other. It's like seeing each other as the place where you reside, so you can just pretty much do anything with them around. It would be hard for new relationships, but we're only starting our second year but we pretty much don't understand what embarrassing means towards each other anymore. It sounds pretty scary, to be able to fart loudly or with that "awesome" smell lingering, to be able to let out a burp and be burped back perhaps, to be able to sleep in those unglam poses in front of them, to be able to not shower the whole day with them around and maybe contaminate the laziness to them as well, being able to curse in front of them, being able to eat like a predator with them, or... well, to be able to do everything you couldn't during your first few dates together. That relieving and amazing feeling when I know how comfortable we are with each other... really.
Love is just the both of you, no one else included.
no matter how much I stress this I just can't stress enough that I hate people going through my problems and relationships. I would tell them my problems and hear their advices but what I do next is my fucking decision, not yours! I hate it when a third party is involved in our relationship, probably intentionally
breaking the trust and relationship between me and Rodan. I have told Rodan a few times now that there are
people who don't like us being together. In fact, there was this one big case between the two of us that does not just involve a third party, but a couple of third parties. I don't know why they are such fucking arseholes to even dare to say Rodan is not in love with me
and therefore I should break up. I don't know why they would even bother working together to break us down (lol wat i cnat evne) I don't know why they are such bitches that get in between
me and Rodan so that in the future if I see this I would get all fired up and then lash out at them (I swear I have been jealous a few times before but now I see this they are all fucking gone man, where did it go? Sorry, you know who you are sobs BUT NOT THIS ONE YOUNG BITCH OK I'M NOT SORRY
) Aherm. Anyway, IMHO try to solve problems between yourselves, no matter how hard it would be for the other to hear it... and tell stories to third parties later after they're solved! I swear it would be much easier that way. They might want us to break up, but we don't, right? Why should we listen? Remember, this is my biggest tip that help me through life and problems: listen to yourself because you're the only one who listens, who understands, and you're the only one who you can trust.
Basically everything him/her
. And of course everything us.
Thank you all for reading if anyone ever read this super long post (phew! What did I even write?) But trust me, tl;dr my view of love has probably changed
one way or another. The basics are still the same though? It's just like law you know, yeah, I think. Anyway.
One thing still has not changed: use safety!
Why the fuck did I write that anyway? Enjoy your day!
Lots of beautiful love,
Angee Ross Cadaverini
Time is travelling unexpectedly fast @ Monday, September 3, 2012
It is already Week 6 of Semester 2, which means almost halfway towards the end of the semester and also, the end of the year? Time is really fast hey, it feels like just yesterday I was enjoying my first semester in UWA and now it's gone. Also, my nephew has already gone--he's always so noisy and he's the reason why I can't study at home properly and I've been slacking most of the time lately but goddammit I miss him :( Listening to SE7EN and G-Dragon right now and developing mellow feelings, lalala
By the by, it's been a week since my birthday "week" has passed! And now I have to sort of reveal everything to my readers (if there's any, but I don't think so pff) of what happened on the 21st and the 25th hey? Oh and before anything else, Roro is the new nickname for Rodan ok because Rodan is not a cute name.
21 August 2012
There is a surprise that splashed
me, literally speaking. So, I am actually expecting Roro to come and give me some kind surprises but all I expected was Roro and a cake, and a pressie whatever I thought it would be. Then a few minutes past 12am, Roro gave me a call--and with heaps of enthusiasm I went down to the second floor to get him. Once I arrived, he put a towel over my head and eyes with the reason 'you can't look' and I was like skfjskgjlsdomgomgwhatisthis and then when I turned around the corner--SPLASH
I thought at that time. But it was a good kind of swear.
Everyone started to splash me with water but I don't even know who did which splashing, not even I had any idea who was there beside Roro of course. When I finally opened my eyes to the world once again like I did 19 years ago on the same day, I finally saw everyone. I couldn't help but laugh, I didn't even think of crying at all--it was pure happiness and bliss from seeing everyone in front of me. At that moment I thought of how they took their time after midnight just to splash me with bottles full of water, and then eat the cakes with me to celebrate my birthday.
The rest of half the night went out pretty okay, with some mishaps on how to eat the goddamn ice cream cake
, swear that was a mess and Roro put a lot of cream onto my face, as much as his effort to do this surprise. To be very honest, it was a very lame surprise, but I love it nevertheless, I really appreciate his thoughts. But just watch, Roro, next year won't be easy.
AAAAND I GOT A FUCKING ACOUSTIC GUITAR
AS I WISHED AND I HAVE BEEN WHINING ABOUT TO RORO FOR THE WHOLE HALF A YEAR IT SEEMS? Say hello to Stardust!
I've been wanting to learn strumming guitars, and the first few days I was so keen but now I'm like trapped under the pile of Uni works so I can't OTL and mid-sems are coming soon too, so I have to focus, but once they're all done I swear I will touch it and play it again (speaking dirty?) and learn more of the songs. Currently trying to learn More than Words for fuck's sake.
Meet Stardust, the best producer of acoustic sounds I've ever heard--unless I play it. ;p
On that day, I claimed my free Boost juice woop and also, dinner with the whole family including my brother, sister-in-law, beloved nephew, and mummy, not forgetting the important Roroppi of course! c:
Midnight, 21st of August, 2012 marks the best midnight of my life up to now :)
Cause the better stuff might just come up later in life, right? ;)
25 August 2012
Finally, the day of the birthday dinner! It's sad that Kim couldn't make it on that day because of sudden change on her work schedules but it's okay because the day before that I treated her to the same restaurant I planned for the birthday dinner, also took her to get a frozen yogurt as well as did karaoke. =u=
I love you bitchface ;p
On the day, I'm sorry we did take pictures but it was on Jo's camera aaaand someone did not take the polaroid right so some are cut off :c but I was happy because EVERYONE that I expected most came, so it was better than expected, to be honest! ;u;
We went for the same routine as I went through with Kim, except for the fro-yo. And, it was supposed to be a board-gaming session down in Myriad Cafe but for some reasons they are sort of "closed"? So we couldn't make it there but a two-hours karaoke session made up for it so it was okay :)
After the karaoke session which is finished around 11pm that night, we went to see Kim--that was our first intention but we ended up talking in front of Gelare while we wait for her to finish her work. It was really cold that night too and watching Kim works alone just made it... colder... but it was okay, we waited until she finished and Roro and me went to send off Mira and Maxine that night because their mum could not pick her up if it was too late at night. But it's all good--the more we know about their house right? Sounds like a creeper but it's ok.
Roro and me on the day.
My get up for the day minus the curls c;
Another highlight that actually only happened two days ago is that I coloured my hair red--thanks to inspiration Tiffany Hwang of Girls' Generation. ;w; FINALLY! I've been wanting the red hair ever since I don't know, I discover that I really adore Ariel (Little Mermaid) I guess? Now I finally got it and I am satisfied with it for now. But next year! I will go even brighter mahaha! And I managed to surprise Roro with the new hair colour--did not mention a shit about it beforehand so yep, I'm a good surpriser :*
The invincible red hair and Roro, both I love so much to death :*
For now I guess that's all folks? I won't be going online properly unless I'm doing my Uni works and listening to iLecture because I have one mid-semester and an assignment due next week and another couple of mid-semesters in the week after :( But I will still leave a part of my heart here. ;)
Angee R. C.
Semester 2, 2012 haha what? @ Thursday, August 9, 2012
Oh, hey, what's u----p?! But I'm like down under so everything is up if you know what I mean.
No? Well I wasn't trying to make any dirty puns or whatever, so...
Cut the crap, hey again guys! It's been like, what, four months now since my last blog post? I've been really lazy and my relationship with the internet is like on-off. The thing I hate is when I just came back from hiatus, whenever I try to go to my blog it's saying something like my site is associated with fastonlineusersdotcom. MEANWHILE, I don't even know what kind of website that is so it pisses me off and I will try and get this solved ASAP. I don't really want to delete this blog, seeing all the memories I had recorded in it so I took a look at the template and damn that's the counter I've been using. So for now I'm deleting it and planning to look for a safer one, if that is not safe as Google said. :)
Anyway, let's come back to the normal blogging, hey? Enough of the blog thingy. Since I've been hiatus, there's nothing much really except that I've been starting on my job since this week and I have to go work every Monday at 6AM but hey I'm learning from this step by step ;) Uni has started for two weeks now as well and I'm really slacking hehe, I haven't gone to so many lectures simply because I'm too lazy to? And I will try to catch up through Lectopia hehe hehe that's what I said so many times and I never did. But I will tonight, trust me. I'm skipping tomorrow too to catch up hehe lame excuseee! =u=b
I haven't been going to gym if anyone is wondering, once again, because I'm too lazy to. I don't know what I've been doing with my life this past month really, with the vacation and all. I remember watching every single Running Man episode that I have now ended up on Episode 83 out of 105 and developed a dokidoki
feeling for the giraffe Kwang-soo but everything is good and I'm still alive so yeah. I've been sick as well so maybe that's why :(
Well all I know is that I've been really lazy and time passes really fast, it's bad.
So many things I've realised has passed since the last post I made here. My exams and mum's birthday in June, my first anniversary with the bakaman
in July, and of course coming up soon is my birthday. :o When I look back I feel like I'm being left out by... life, I don't know how that works but I just feel I'm not progressing--or well maybe I am but I am not progressing as well as I hoped for it to be.
My little nephew is here and he can call me "auntie" now, though I feel the youngest of all aunties kekeke. He's a cute little guy though I know I will have problems with my study BUT IT'S ALL WORTH IT BABY IT'S OKAY.
I would love to post pictures but I had just posted thousands of food pictures on Facebook and I think I should leave the cruel world wide web and distract myself from everything but my Lectopia which I'll be doing in 5 minutes after this post is published hehe.
With that I will bid my farewell and I promise the next post won't be too far away from my birthday wink wink ;)
Angee R. Cadaverini